Mike and I are breaking up. We both knew it was coming eventually, but things have been so good lately that I was hoping for at least one more semester. He, on the other hand, thinks if we don’t force it now, it could happen on it’s own in the middle of the semester or during exams or some other time that would make things harder for me with school. But, since neither of us really wants to break up now, we’re torturing ourselves by drawing it out and enjoying each other’s company as much as possible before school starts. We haven’t explicitly set a date, but I’m giving it a week, which means I’ll give myself 2 days before classes.
I think this is probably in some ways harder, and I know my friends I’ve told so far think I’m crazy even though they won’t say it. But I think it’s better for us to have this time to help each other deal with the fact that it’s ending. I know when I tell Gwen about it she thinks it’s his fault, or that the things I quote him as saying during our conversations about it sound terrible, but it really isn’t, and they really aren’t, they’re just out of context and he’s not incredibly eloquent when it comes to emotions and she is wired to play the best friend who is mad at the guy who hurt me. But that’s just not how it is.
About a week ago (before the breakup conversation but after I began to suspect it was coming) we were at our favorite park and he told me he’d like it if I put a bench up for him there when he died (“Not right here, obviously, since there’s already a bench here.”). I told him it meant a lot to me that he thought we’d still be friends then, and he said of course, he didn’t think either of us wanted to do anything to mess that up. And I think that’s why he wants it to be now, because it would be so much worse if we waited until one of us met someone else who could be right for us in the ways we aren’t right for each other and broke the other’s heart, and ended with fights and bad feelings. But I know well enough to give myself as much time as I need before trying to be friends. Sorry Indie.
I’m not ready for this (but would I ever be?). This sucks.
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i-relish-your-wit said:
That does suck. I’m sorry. I think you guys are being really mature about it, though. Because, I think it would be a lot harder/messier if you kept putting it off. Long distance hugs from me to you!
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cenizasyarena said:
Sorry :-(
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giraffesgiraffes posted this
