So, lots of abortion posts lately, I know. But here’s the thing - I am committed to reproductive justice, and will be for the duration of my career, whether or not it ends up being my primary focus. As a 1L, I am already on the exec board of Law Students for Reproductive Justice. And while I realize that this issue didn’t become SUCH a big deal to me until after I started having sex regularly, the fact that a lot of people don’t ever think about it (especially men people) and trust their unexamined gut feeling that has nothing to do with the realities of reproductive healthcare and almost everything to do with tacitly accepted unjust cultural messages is really troubling to me. I dream of a day where I don’t have to explain why being anything other than pro-choice is basically unconscionable for a rational person who is even remotely informed to people that I am/want to be sleeping with (the informing bit usually does the trick - but this is a hugely significant political issue these days so it’s frustrating that I need to lay out the most basic arguments).
I don’t want there to be more abortions. The ideal of a pro-choicer is that everyone has the means and education to make the choice beforehand and effectively use birth control. A society that embraces reproductive justice is a society that has less abortions because of access to sex ed, birth control, and health care, so being anti-choice ends up supporting a system where there are more abortions. And outlawing abortion doesn’t decrease their number, it just increases the danger and death toll.
If you feel that your own abortion would be murdering your child, that’s your business, just as long as you recognize my right and the right of every other woman to make that moral determination for ourselves.
And if you have a gut feeling that abortion is wrong and women should be discouraged or forbidden from having them, take some time to inform yourself before letting that belief become entrenched.
Pretty much all the other points I want to make are made much more eloquently in this article I’m linking and the last one I quoted, so I think it’s time to go to bed.
“The fundamental issue, again, is that making abortion less available doesn’t stop it from happening, it just means that more women suffer and die. It’s that simple. And that, unfortunately, is not a part of the public consciousness around abortion anymore, because it’s been safe and legal and accessible for the majority of women for the past 39 years. In that way, we can’t necessarily use that argument anymore, because people don’t necessarily remember “Oh yeah, I remember when Aunt Millie died, it was all hush-hush and 10 years later I found out she had an unsafe abortion. That’s why my cousins grew up with my brother and sister.” Not that that’s my story, but things like that — that story happened in that era. I don’t think that discussion hits anybody at the visceral level anymore, but it’s still important to make the point.”—
Just had a great 4.5 hour conversation with Hayden at a great brew pub (The Draught House, ptube, where we read and drank fancy beers). And we were totally both super into each other, and then we kissed before parting, and while he was super sweet but not really my type of kisser (too gentle) it was still way more exciting than last night’s kiss, which was more my style and yet I was 1000% less into it.
His schedule is not super compatible with mine except the whole both having weekends for once thing, but we’ve got plans to have plans on Friday.
I have a very strong feeling that Hayden and I are going to be dating, at least for a little while.
Yeah, it’s a bit soon, but fuck it. I really like this dude. And he REALLY likes me. And he’s cute and sweet. This is him, but he also has a pretty decent beard now (!):
Went on a date tonight. It was okay, guy was nice enough, we talked, he was into me, but I don’t really see it going anywhere. And then he kissed me at the end, and it was fine, he was a decent kisser, but I just wasn’t into it. I’ve never really had that experience. It’s weird. And we have tentative plans to go to the movies on Monday, but … I don’t really want to. Now what?
Oh, and I’m going to get beers with Hayden. The dude that liked me before. I think I would actually be pretty into it if he kissed me tomorrow night. So there’s that.
Arg! If I have to watch one more Dr. Pepper “Ten” commercial, I’m gonna go on a fuckin’ rampage. Seriously, Dr. Pepper!?! You used to be cool and now you’re a jerk.
I know. I used to LOVE Dr. Pepper. The last couple years I haven’t really been into soda, but DP was still at the top. And now I can’t drink it anymore, because I can’t support that bullshit. This is also why I drink local beer and avoid a lot of popular liquor - pretty much any alcohol that has a tv ad has a tv ad that is offensive and sexist.
So, I’m going out with this guy on Saturday. He seems nice, and enthusiastic, though I’m already quite sure that even if we hit it off he has no long term potential, which is probably for the best for me at the moment.
I’m sure I’ve changed quite a bit in confidence and attitude after a year in a healthy relationship, but before that, I was pretty terrible at dating, and the thing with Mike happened in kind of a ridiculous way. So, here goes nothin’, I guess?
And if he’s not intentionally ignoring my facebook message, maybe that guy that had a thing for me almost a year ago, whom I liked back but not enough to break things off with Mike right as it was becoming something just so I could go on a date with him (a decision I don’t regret in the least, but now I’d like to have my cake and eat it too), will get a beer with me, and I’ll have broken in my dating confidence with this OK Cupid guy.
To start going on dates? I think going out with cool dudes who are into me would be helpful for my healing process, help me grasp the reality that there really is bound to be someone way more suited to me out there. But I have very limited experience with breakups and don’t know what is the healthy way for me to move on. What has worked for you?
I had a good day. I like all my classes, and I test drove a great car and my parents confirmed that it would be a good decision to buy it and it seems perfect. And it’s close enough to me that if I can’t get a ride, I can bike up there tomorrow afternoon to make my offer. And then stuff my bike in the back because it’s a hatchback. And while my foot still hurts, it’s not as bad as before. And I’ve come to terms with the grade I got in Constitutional Law, even though it was lower than the mean and it was my best class and I definitely should have been capable of higher than the mean if not for my terrible illness. Everyone says not to beat myself up because I was barely able to stay conscious for the whole exam, and I know, I was just upset about the unfairness of the thing, but I’ve decided it’s not the end of the world and that’ll be fine.
So when the Mike thing is the only real problem, it’s a bit easier to deal with. But when it’s the car, and the health, and the grades, and him altogether, it seems so pointless. Everything else is getting better so I can manage. We talked tonight about the car because I texted wanting to take my bff Indie to the park when I have transportation and everything was okay, I didn’t get upset or anything. I’ll probably take both this and the “this is the stupidest breakup ever” posts down in a couple of days over embarrassment about the painful introspection, so read and comment now. I still think it’s stupid, but I can cope with it better now that the other things are working out or diminishing in perceived importance.
Oh and hey, check out the post below. I don’t think my friend Luis is into me at all but if he was, I would jump his bones in a second. I was only mostly kidding when I asked him to marry me this morning. Can’t believe it was only his second proposal of the day.
I changed my mind about this breakup being probably for the best in the long run. In hindsight maybe that will probably be true, but right now I’m pretty sure this breakup is super dumb.
I did something dumb last night. I was depressed about Kermit and my legs were hurting from limping and I was just generally stressed out and sad. Then Mike texted me and asked how my toe was doing. Then he texted again to say that he was getting off work early and school hadn’t started yet, school starting being the point of reference for the timing of our breakup, though we had said our goodbyes on Saturday afternoon. So I texted back “Yes” because I really kinda needed it. I knew it was a bad idea, but I didn’t care.
And now it is SO OBVIOUS to me that he still really wants to be with me, badly. Last night, the way he … uh, nevermind … the endless patience for my sobbing into his shoulder (which he’s been really understanding about the whole week), the tender, apologetic look on his face and the “I know”s as I kept calling him a stupid jerkface and equivalent insults while we held each other close. I guess I knew it before but hadn’t realized how much, caught up in my own little world of self pity because he was breaking up with me and it was not really mutual—I didn’t and still don’t see why it has to be now, so his regrets about it didn’t register that deeply. But now I clearly see it’s not even one-sided, because neither of us actually wants this. So now I’m just mad (well, not just, I’m a lot of other things too). This is so stupid. We make each other really happy and we both want to be together, but we can’t because 7 years from now I want to have babies? It would be one thing if one of us were moving away for 6 months (study abroad? Going to Antarctica, like he might actually do in September?) or actually holding each other back from something, but what is he holding me back from? OK Cupid dates? The hand of fate setting me up with my true love? Right now it seems like the only thing he is holding me back from is the one thing in my life that could be going pretty okay. We both had been so lonely and messed up about relationships for so long before each other, I don’t understand why we have to go back to that already, when neither of us actually wants to. So I am really upset and pissed off at him about it, while at the same time knowing that he really is trying to do what he thinks will be best for both of us. It makes me want to punch him, while at the same time I feel bad because he’s hurting a lot too, and also feels like a jerk for forcing this on me. I don’t feel guilty, just, I know he’s suffering too even though I’m mad at him.
And I am already tired of people telling me it really is all for the best, even though they’re repeating back to me what I’m trying to tell myself, because they always add something about how I’m too good for him. I mean, conceitedly, I know on some level that’s true, but I also think that his fantasticness is underappreciated, and it just seems like people are ragging on him in a way they couldn’t while we were dating, and I don’t like it and it doesn’t make me feel better at all. Even though I’m pissed at him for the whole thing right now.
Because this is stupid. This is one thing in my life that really doesn’t have to suck and yet is the worst.
Andrea asked why Mike and I broke up, and I guess I never really said. I want to settle down someday and have kids, and he doesn’t want those things, and felt bad about being unable to express the same depth of emotion that I did. So we both knew it wasn’t going to last forever. But he made me happy in a way no one else ever has, so I don’t know if I ever would have had the strength to do it while things were still good. But he did, and I think that’ll be for the best in the end, because there are no hard feelings, and I think friendship is not only possible but probable for us.
But I am sad and lonely and unmotivated right now. I miss him a lot, and hate that we’ll never cuddle or anything again. I’m doing pretty good so far not texting him to say that I miss him, because nothing he could say right now could make me feel better.
I’m having trouble getting the long long list of things I need to do done.
With Acker’s reinstatement based largely on the grand jury’s decision, this should be a lesson — though only one among many — on the gross unreliability of the criminal justice system as a reference point for an individual’s true innocence or guilt. At the same time as this system harasses men of color unrelentingly for drug and property crimes, it ignores the violent crimes of white men against women and girls on the basis of their “reputations” as socially valuable1 members of the community. It should also be yet another lesson as to how the criminal justice system decides when harm has been committed and when community safety has been achieved, as to what exactly the criminal justice system and those systems modeled after it values.
A man’s right to employment and good name were given primacy over the right of girls to have a learning environment safe from sexual terrorism. Indeed, his privacy was likely given extreme concern, as well — in their defense, the school board does not mention any effort to determine if other victims existed, to encourage parents to talk to their children about their teacher, to urge other survivors to come forward.
My toe is broken, Mike and I just said goodbye to our relationship and had our last kiss at an intersection before we parted ways on our bikes about 20 minutes ago, and the body shop, which is now closed until Monday, still hasn’t called me with an official estimate on Kermit, nor has the insurance company given me any word on what’s up.
But I’m okay. I had lots of time to adjust to the idea of being single and to sob into Mike’s shoulder, which may or may not have been more painful, but ended up being much healthier for both of us. I mean, I’m still tearing up a little right now thinking about it but I think I managed to make it all the way to the “acceptance” stage of grieving while I still had him around. I also think doing it this way will make it easier to be friends, and sooner. I’m going to take Indie to the dog park at least one last time once I get the car situation worked out, and promised Mike I would show him my new car if I get one, and tell him what grades I got when I finally get them, as he’s been pestering me to check and see if I got them for weeks. And I’ll probably get him to hook me up with friends of his who can give me or help me find a good deal on a used car if fixing Kermit doesn’t make any sense financially. I think by the time it’s bass fishing season at Reimer’s Ranch (early March) we should be able to hang out without it being too emotionally difficult. I hope so anyway.
And I just got an e-mail saying I made it onto the exec board of Law Students for Reproductive Justice, which will be great for me for networking and my resume, along with being something I am interested in and dedicated to. Hopefully that will make up for any difference in what my grades are (still haven’t gotten most of them) and what they might have been if I hadn’t gotten so sick during exams when it comes to getting hired.
So now I’m going to stop wallowing and start getting stuff done. Clean my disaster of an apartment (I’ve kind of been letting things go this last week), do laundry, send out resumes and cover letters, do the assignments I’ve already gotten for next semester. By the time classes start on Tuesday, I plan to have my shit together.
I think I just broke my toe by stubbing it on a door frame in Gwen’s apartment. Gwen’s reaction was to observe that bad things happen in 3s, and therefore nothing bad will happen to me for awhile. So … that’s good, I guess?
I got into a car accident yesterday, and it was my fault. I don’t know yet how much it will be to fix my car, but it might be more than the car is worth. If that’s the case, I can probably scrape together enough from the insurance payout and my savings to replace it, but I’ve had that car for 8 or 9 years and I love it, and I feel shitty about possibly killing my car, although I’m actually lucky I didn’t manage to kill myself and injure Mike. No air bags went off and everyone was wearing seat belts, and the other car braked quite hard before hitting me so it ended up not being nearly as bad as it could have been. And they were able to drive off after we exchanged info, so hopefully it’s just body damage on their car. Their Mustang. Fuck.
I’m depressed about this break up, and drawing it out is making it more painful in some ways, but I just can’t rip the band-aid off. Class starts in 4 days, so I’ll stop seeing him in a day or two and jump into school work. My house is a wreck and I’m finding it impossible to motivate myself to clean it or apply for summer jobs like I need to.
Since I started writing this post, the body shop called me back. They aren’t done assessing the car, but I had called wanting an update since it’s almost the end of the day. The damages are already at $4700 and counting, which is more than the value of the car according to wherever my parents looked it up last night. Goddammit.
Going back and forth on visiting the Austin Animal Shelter.
Everyone agrees that I shouldn’t take my break up too much into account when making this decision. However, most people that I see day-to-day think I should do it for all the other reasons I want to, and then some.
Mike and I are breaking up. We both knew it was coming eventually, but things have been so good lately that I was hoping for at least one more semester. He, on the other hand, thinks if we don’t force it now, it could happen on it’s own in the middle of the semester or during exams or some other time that would make things harder for me with school. But, since neither of us really wants to break up now, we’re torturing ourselves by drawing it out and enjoying each other’s company as much as possible before school starts. We haven’t explicitly set a date, but I’m giving it a week, which means I’ll give myself 2 days before classes.
I think this is probably in some ways harder, and I know my friends I’ve told so far think I’m crazy even though they won’t say it. But I think it’s better for us to have this time to help each other deal with the fact that it’s ending. I know when I tell Gwen about it she thinks it’s his fault, or that the things I quote him as saying during our conversations about it sound terrible, but it really isn’t, and they really aren’t, they’re just out of context and he’s not incredibly eloquent when it comes to emotions and she is wired to play the best friend who is mad at the guy who hurt me. But that’s just not how it is.
About a week ago (before the breakup conversation but after I began to suspect it was coming) we were at our favorite park and he told me he’d like it if I put a bench up for him there when he died (“Not right here, obviously, since there’s already a bench here.”). I told him it meant a lot to me that he thought we’d still be friends then, and he said of course, he didn’t think either of us wanted to do anything to mess that up. And I think that’s why he wants it to be now, because it would be so much worse if we waited until one of us met someone else who could be right for us in the ways we aren’t right for each other and broke the other’s heart, and ended with fights and bad feelings. But I know well enough to give myself as much time as I need before trying to be friends. Sorry Indie.
I’m not ready for this (but would I ever be?). This sucks.
The truth is, bullying begets bullying. And Dan Savage’s campaign to make Santorum’s family name synonymous with something “gross” is some real bullying shit.
And then there’s this: Dan Savage does not speak for all gay men—and among that diverse community, there are gay men (and their allies) who consider it objectionable, and deeply counterproductive, to treat as “gross” something that is central to gay male sexuality.
(Which is not to suggest that gay men are the only people who have anal sex, or that all gay men have anal sex, but the campaign was designed by a gay man specifically to embarrass Rick Santorum for saying something homophobic about gay men, so the context here is pretty evident.)
Suffice it to say I am unconvinced that responding to a homophobic bully with homophobic bullying is an efficacious strategy to reduce homophobia or bullying.
”—Shakesville articulates much better than I could the two main reasons why I am uncomfortable with the Google bombing of Santorum. I have some pretty strong emotional reactions to bullying, and using a byproduct of anal sex as an insult seems to me to perpetuate the denigration of anal sex, and I don’t really understand how that could possibly be productive for anyone’s sexual freedom.
We’ll have to set-up an internet coordinated viewing time!!!
Apparently Disney’s making a re-make!?! Which, no.
NO. They made Little Mermaid 2 and Lion King 2 and Beauty of the Beast Christmas Extravaganza or whatever, 10,000 Land Before Time movies, they can’t remake Flight of the Navigator as well. Screw you Disney.
Obama: many people are only voting for you because everyone else sucks more, and it is sad that it is possible for all of them to suck more than you. Grow a spine and get some campaign finance reform to happen so we can have a chance to vote for someone who is actually worth voting for in 2016.
While I’m totally going to be one of those moms who nurses wherever will make the most people uncomfortable as possible to make a point about how women belong everywhere, whether they are performing biological motherly functions or not, I do have a problem with the paragraph in this article that suggests that breastfeeding should be allowed pretty much solely because it is healthier and therefore the right thing to do. It should be allowed because it is a normal thing that people do, and you can’t control people’s lives by making them stay home if they have infants and choose to breastfeed. But it isn’t right for everyone and the pro-breastfeeding population also needs to realize that those who don’t breastfeed are making a legitimate choice not to or may not be physically able to, and the possible health benefits for babies is NOT what legitimizes breastfeeding, it’s the fact that either decision is an acceptable choice that should not limit a woman’s ability to function and participate in society.
2011 was a hell of a year. I feel like the mugging and stomach flu during exams were part of the universe’s efforts to lend some smidgen of balance to what was overall an amazing, wonderful, happy year. I feel like I finally know who I am, have a vague idea of what I want to do, and I know for sure that law school and Austin are both where I need to be right now. And I’ve had a fantastic year in a great relationship, the first really great relationship I’ve ever had, which I think has to do with all that knowing what I want and who I am stuff. And while it may not be perfect, and we both know and understand that it can never be everything we’ll ever need, I think we’re both really happy and this is still right for us right now.
2012 is going to be a crazy, intense ride as well. Here’s hoping it’s as great as the last one.